Dim Sum: Bringing My Immigrant Asian Family Together

Every Sunday that I am home (as in, visiting my parents), we go for Dim Sum. What's that I hear you ask?... Imagine some Asian tapas. It's small portions of food usually served in round bamboo steamers.

The Asian community in the North East of England will typically go get Dim Sum with their families on Sundays. And Newcastle is usually the place to go for that if you're within a 40 mile radius.

So why is it important? Dim Sum for me I've come to realise, is like a glue between my 'White person' life and my Asian roots. It's the happy middle of that Venn diagram of the culture I consider home and the culture my parents consider home.

Maintaining this ritual is precious for our family -and I'm sure a lot of Chinese immigrant families- because 1) it's the same thing in Hong Kong and therefore a piece of home-away-from-home for my folks, 2) it's a good place to catch up with other members of the immigrant community and find out how old their kids are now, who's getting married next, who's kids are doctors now etc. And 3) its one of the few 'bonding' activities we have between me and my siblings and my parents. We don't really 'hang out' so dim sum is always the failsafe of relaxed environments outside the house we can all go enjoy ourselves, together.

God bless it.

Hong Kong Markets

Markets in Hong Kong are a feast for the senses. When people talk about how vibrant the city is, the first thing I think of are the street markets. Here are some recent shots I took :)

Tug of War: Shame and Acceptance

The first time I heard Mehgan Trainor's almost invasively catchy song, 'All About The Bass,' I thought- awesome! Here's someone sticking up for a the 'curvy' girl and sounding fabulous in spreading this statement. The video is amazing to say the least, purely for this guy...



And then I did what I do with every song I really like and tried to memorise the lyrics to sing in the shower or sing on the way to work. I got up to this bit, 'Yeah my momma she told me don't worry about your size [shooowap wap] she said "boys like a little more booty to hold at niiight."' and I remember kind of wincing almost after singing it thinking, 'okay...*nodding* I should appreciate myself because skinny girls have smaller butts and boys will like me for having more junk in the trunk.'

Hm.

So I still love this song. And on any given night, if this came on in a bar or whatever I'd profess my love for it and proceed to sing it badly (and possibly dance like my video-hero up top).

It occurred to me that this song is still kind of shaming skinny girls and was a kind of, 'stooping to their level' form of expression that is as classy in effect as instragram hotties who parade their figures for a living.

Then that got me thinking some more about Shaming. Fat-Shaming, Thin-Shaming, Working Women-Shaming- just Shaming people. The whole shibang.



I recently went out for a nice meal with my boyfriend and a good friend of ours. Over dinner he brought up a photo that he saw online of an obese person on a plane, taking up a lot of space to the extent that the person next to him was in visible discomfort.

Then our friend said, 'see here's the thing, I think fat people should pay more for extra space on a plane because they need it.'

This shocked me at first and my initial reaction was, 'well that's kinda harsh.' And then in reaction to my facial expression, he said 'Let's not beat around the bush, if airlines are conscious of space and weight on a plane and the impact on costs, wouldn't it make sense to charge a larger person for more space?...I'm not having a go at him because he's fat, I'm just saying that as a business, if your ticket price is driven a lot by costs, it probably makes sense.'

Now this is a really delicate line. It made me think that in a way, I agreed with this guy's thinking in that whilst he didn't accept or embrace the dude's size, he wasn't shaming him either. And this is where I feel a lot of folks get it wrong and it leads to a lot of controversy.

This whole Shame- Acceptance or Shame-Embrace tug of war gets quite lost in a lot of stuff I see on telly or on social media. The whole, 'I don't agree with what you're doing, but I'm not going to shame you into changing your behaviour' approach is really overlooked and forgotten.

Granted it doesn't apply to a lot of stuff, horrible illegal stuff or harmful stuff. But lets say weight, religion, lifestyle etc.

Just quit fucking shaming other people to validate the choices you make, if you disagree with it no one is asking you to embrace it, just know what you personally are comfortable with and move on! Let's stop trying to make folks feel bad about themselves!

If I think about the times where I've done something out of shame, like....'I'm not going to eat this because I wanna look like x person,' it's quite sad to think that that decision was because I felt bad about myself.

And yes I know it's not as clear cut as that, there's an argument about celebration and interpretation i.e. it's not my fault if you've taken a perception on that, I'm just happy I lost 3 stone. I guess what I'm getting at is...if you are clearly saying, 'you, I am better than you because of xyz which you are not,' without caveating that by saying, 'but you know on the other hand, this choice I'm making here isn't definitive, it's not the right way necessarily, you are welcome to embrace it or move on etc.' Then that is excluding people, shaming them and isn't very sensitive. Recognise.

How To Live With 'THE FEAR'

Every morning on the way to work, there's a particular set of traffic lights that are near my office. As they seem to hate me, I nearly always find myself waiting at the red light for long enough time to give myself a daily inner pep talk saying, 'Just get through today. Today will be different. You can do it.'

The truth is, this is a product of THE FEAR. Surely we all know what this FEAR is. It's the onset cold sweaty palms as more and more people call or instant message you about something. It's mild heart attack seeing how little time you have to get through SO MUCH WORK. It's lying down after a long day groaning that you have to live through it all again tomorrow. I really love something in the 'Brain on 23' HuffPost blog by Molly Sprayregen that says, 'we are proud of each other but hard on ourselves.'

And it's true. We have the fear that everyday someone/something is going to catch us out or pull the rug out from underneath us. Either way, show us up to be not good enough.

In reality it might be the complete opposite. People think you're great, you get good feedback, your meetings with your colleagues are always O.K. but with every bit of responsibility you get, that's more you need to hold onto with your fingertips.

Another harsh reality is that this constant fear may never really go away.




The key is to try and live with it. A friend once told me that if I want to maintain ambition, keep pushing myself, there's a part of me I almost have to 'switch off'. At first I thought this sounded really silly and impossible but then on second thought, why not?

If you really care about what you're doing, the slightest thing that doesn't go right might be a piece of your world crashing before you. In this case you essentially have to not care as much. Keep going the direction you're going in with tunnel-vision and move on as quickly as you can to just survive.

Seriously. Do NOT falter. Keep moving. But ask yourself at the end of the day, 'Did I do the most right that I could have done today?' If yes-go home. Don't work later in the evening. Get some sleep.

Why 'Lost in Translation' Changed Who I Am

The first time I watched Lost in Translation was when I was 13 yrs old. I didn't get it and for a long time I thought it was shit. Little did I know that in a few years I'd be thanking Sofia Coppola for writing and directing a story that changed who I was.

SPOILER ALERT! 

The female protagonist in this movie is a young 20-something called Charlotte (would you believe ScarJo was 18 when she did this?!) who, shacked up in a hotel with her photographer husband, begins to feel increasingly lonely and lost in her life.

She meets an ageing has-been actor Bob Harris in a bar and they strike up a deeply profound friendship over the next few days, after which, they emotionally part ways for good.

So why does this film matter so much?

Well it was the first time I really saw a film about the characters rather than so much about the plot. And let's get real, nothing that much ACTUALLY happens. But it's the subtlety and depth of their loneliness and uncertainty about themselves, their purpose, their spouses that was...well...quite disarming.

Aside from that, here is a run down of all that it taught me:-

1. Don't Be Kelly. Be Honest. 

In this scene Charlotte and her husband bump into a young actress he knows called Kelly (Anna Farris in basically every character she's ever played). She's pretty, perky, full of pep. Full of something. She subtley blanks Charlotte and is rather superficial.

I was once A LOT like Kelly. So confident about everything but also kinda dumb I think. This scene taught me to just freaking relax and take in what people are actually like when you spend time with them.

2. Marvel at the World in Peace

As a teenage I associated travelling with full moon parties and other such debauchery. Life in my head was loud and dramatic. The scenes where Charlotte just wanders around Kyoto alone and quietly observes stuff going on around her made me see that travelling like this is just so much better.Just take in and make sense of what you've experiencing in your own way.

3. Listen to more French Indie/Arthouse Music

Another reason why this film is awesome is because it has a great soundtrack . This film introduced my ears to Phoenix, Air and Sebastien Tellier



4. It's Okay To Not Know What the F*ck You're Doing.



"The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you"

This is the best scene in whole movie. Bob kind of tragically talks about his failing marriage whilst Charlotte is worried that in everything she tries her hand at, she's just mediocre (I can relate to this one).

 This one is the greatest lesson. It taught me it's okay to understand things but then equally not really know how you feel about it. That it's okay to pine for something better but not know what that better is exactly. In a way, that is the great experience of life. Working out what to do. As Bob says, "You're not hopeless."

A Day in Leith

'Oh how do like to be beside the seaside...' 

Some of my earliest memories of Edinburgh were of visiting my sister when she lived in Leith. Leith is located in the north-east of the city. You might know it from the book and film, Trainspotting. I know it for its fabulous seafood restaurants, cute little boutiques and of course, The Shore.

I recently went to the Fishers restaurant there for my sister's birthday. We tried her massive hot shellfish platter that cost £80. Quite a lot on first glance but the dish itself was enough for about 4 people. And man was it DELISH.

Fishers is a a wonderful chain of two restaurants and a bar. Their menu is comprised of only the freshest ingredients and fantastic flavours for a reasonable price.

The unsung hero of the day for me were their roasted parsnips. Seafood may be their prime dish but all their trimmings are done to perfection too!

Colourful Doors

You ever get that nice 'stops me in my tracks' moment when you're walking along and all of a sudden

you see a really....really good door?

Edinburgh is choc full of them.

And when no one is looking, I like to take pictures of them. I love the little potted plants that line the front steps, the shiny and interestingly shaped door knockers and the lovely pastel colours. For more examples, take a look here.

French Fancies

I started learning French- off and on- a couple of years ago. It all really began during a whirlwind few months dating a Swiss-Frenchman while at university. Picking up the odd word or phrase spurred this entire fantasy I had (and still have) of one day packing up and moving to Paris.

The first French phrases I ever learnt were bisous partout, bons rêves and tu me manque... And perhaps a few that are too rude to repeat in any language.

Following the advice of a certain Mr. Lewis , I'm going to chart my learning experiences through this blog! 

Brave New World

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life" ~ Lester Burnham 

I once read that our 20s is an age of refinement. We come out of university the raw deal and bit by bit our experiences polish us off until we're ready to leap through life's big hoops: leaving home, travelling the world, marriage, kids...

If you're lucky, you'll have a passion that sees you through all of these things smoothly; if you can translate that into a form of steady income. 

If you're like me, then perhaps you're not so sure and you're looking for that thing. Until then you may have interests going in all different directions; sampling random stuff here and there until you hit the jackpot of what ever it is you're meant to be. 

This blog documents that journey. 

Kay