Should Governments Make it Compulsory to Teach Kids about Rape Myths?

The Guardian recently came out with an interesting article, 'Plans for sexual consent lessons in school 'do not go far enough'.  It describes how the Personal Social Health and Economic Education Association (PSHEA) spoke out against the Government not making a series of lesson plans compulsory for all schools in England and Wales- only 'backing' them.  The lesson plans would focus on the meaning and importance of consent and would aim to tackle issues like child sexual exploitation. 

In particular, the lessons would teach children about 'rape myths,' that consent itself is an on-going process, how alcohol can affect someone's ability to give consent, and about victim-blaming. 

Are you kidding me?! It's a no-brainer this one surely?.... I think this is a fantastic idea and should absolutely be made compulsory. My question would be - why isn't it? 

The UK has seen a mess load of child sex abuse cases and scandals dating back to god knows when. Is this a sign that we need a cultural shift in society? 


Indeed after reading The Equality Illusion by Kat Banyard, it taught me that lack of education in rape myths make it harder down the line for people to identify with sexual violence- that it's a crime reserved for the mentally unsound or pure evil....then that makes me think of Breaking Bad. The big thing I took away from that was, kind people can become evil.  

I'd be interested to know what folks out there think so if you're reading this, leave a comment with your thoughts.

Reading the comments sections beneath online articles can be an indication what the rest of society might think about this.

For example:

I can understand why peoples' initial reactions to this kind of curriculum might be fear that teaching kids about sex just means they'll have sex earlier and lead to a negative impact as opposed to having any real educational value.

But I'm on 'PeterGriffin's' side here and would extend that to educating children towards an outcome of preventing future abusers.

Literature Review: 'The Equality Illusion: The Truth about Women and Men Today'

Since hitting my early 20s, I thought it was really important to try and educate myself about an idealism that I've been ambivalent towards for much of my adult life so far: Feminism.

Whilst I've certainly experienced a few things that you could call Feminist Frustrations, I wanted to explore some good literature on this subject. So I started with 'The Equality Illusion' by Kat Banyard.

Overall I'd say it's a fantastic read- a great introduction to ladies such as myself who are relatively new and naive to a world of Feminist debate. I came away from it feeling excited to know more. The journey continues. 

In a nutshell...

This book is about why modern society needs Feminism; as told through numerous interviews and 'days-in-the-life of' victims of rape, domestic abuse and workplace discrimination. It is supported by a lot of research and shines a light on campaign groups in the UK working to achieve gender equality.  

First Impressions

The introduction summarises some key metrics on (lack of) political representation and sexual violence that seek to bring down the 'illusion' that we might not need Feminism- that we have gender equality already after getting the Right to Vote and Equal Pay (at least in the UK).

To me, this is quite a narrow view to take anyway but one that might suit you just fine if you don't identify with an urge to help women in poverty or think sexual violence is brought on by the victim or perhaps accept sexualisation of everyday society.

But Banyard points out some stuff that starts to make sense to me... that maybe a belief that we don't need Feminism is because:- 

1. Few children are taught about how gender inequalities exist- and thus how to identify it let alone remediate it. 

and

2. People can misconstrue issues such as poverty, sexual violence and lack of access to not have any real roots specifically in gender inequality- i.e. that Feminism has nothing to do with it. 

The approach that Banyard takes in this book is to record the journey and findings of interviews she has with women whose 'existences are deep-rooted in inequalities.' This being through her work with the Fawcett Society, the UK's leading campaign for women's rights. 

Key Takeaways 

Imagine those 5 minutes when you're gathering your coat and leaving the cinema after a movie. These are perhaps the lasting impressions I have of this book. 

• It seems really hard to pinpoint where gender inequality actually comes from (and then assign responsibility) because there are so many insidious influences in everyday life that have varying degrees of influence on people. 
• 'The schooling women receive in the need for them to be beautiful starts at a young age and will continue to be delivered throughout their lifetime by a range of instructors, from magazines to managers.' 
• Does the cumulative impact of this explain why people feel the need to get cosmetic surgery?....or is it really just all about empowerment and the right to make a choice on your appearance? My guess is it's really dependent on the individual and can't all be explained by a blanket conclusion. 

• I really hope that teaching policy actively addresses this 
• I was fortunate to grow up in a family and community that didn't really present barriers for young girls to participate in certain activities. I grew up thinking I could have whatever ambition and aspirations I wanted. But on the flip side, I was never taught to identify when sexism and gender inequality actually happens and how that can affect someone. 
• Behaviours that compose everything you might associate with inequality are surely at least in some way shape or form picked up during childhood right?! "Cambridge University Professor Diane Reay found that girls received harsh criticism from teachers when they didn't conform to stereotypical gender behaviours. Teachers described girls who misbehaved as 'bad influences,' 'spiteful,' and 'scheming little madams,' yet when boys misbehaved in similar ways, they were described as 'mucking about.' 

• There's gotta be a better way to bridge the gap between Employment vs. Family
• "Sir Alan Sugar argues 'If someone comes into an interview and you think to yourself there is a possibility that this woman might have a child and therefore take time off, is it a bit of a psychological negative thought...you're not allowed to ask, so it's easy- just don't employ them." I would agree that from a business perspective, anyone looking for a job who might take a lot of time off might present a 'risk' but surely there can be better ways to make this 1) less of a taboo to talk about in the first place and 2) Offset the perceived risk with strategies such as job-sharing 
• My favourite bit of the book is where Banyard cites a couple of university professors: "The term 'glass ceiling' fails to capture fully how women are excluded from power in the twenty-first century. They suggest 'labyrinth' as a more accurate metaphor."  This totally encapsulates my 'foot-in-the-door' moment of what turned me on you could say about Feminism. I recently finished a graduate scheme with one of the biggest financial companies in the world. From the successful senior women I've spoken to I always thought the term 'Glass Ceiling' was ridiculous...and that there's much more to it than that. Indeed Banyard cites 'the cumulative effect of outdated structures at every level' painting a more accurate (yet complicated!) picture of female workplace challenges. 

• No one 'owns' Feminism 
• There is no one organisation or person who has the definitive say on how to fix a problem that a lot of people think doesn't exist. 
• But there are different outlets in the UK who try to at least from their angle of interest and sphere of influence, make a contribution. And that contribution is like a cultural shift....so if this problem is collectively, the impact of a whole mess load of different issues, then any efforts to fix it has to likewise be in small, drip-fed, multi-faceted different tactics. 

A Big Buddha

The 'Big Buddha' is a 112ft tall bronze statue on Lantau Island, Hong Kong. It's 268 steps to the top but the views are worth it :) Especially at sunset.

A-Ma Temple, Macau

A-Ma Temple is the one of the oldest and most famous tourist attractions in Macau. It was erected in 1488 in honour of the goddess A-Ma who was thought to have saved a group of sailors when they hit dangerous waters off the coast.

Back in the day, people would come here to pray for a safe voyage when setting out to sea.

Today you would find people burning candles and incense and writing wishes on colourful charms; various prayers asking for good luck and wealth.

We came here just before we had to catch the ferry back to Hong Kong- I guess you could say we were hoping for a safe journey back!

Dim Sum: Bringing My Immigrant Asian Family Together

Every Sunday that I am home (as in, visiting my parents), we go for Dim Sum. What's that I hear you ask?... Imagine some Asian tapas. It's small portions of food usually served in round bamboo steamers.

The Asian community in the North East of England will typically go get Dim Sum with their families on Sundays. And Newcastle is usually the place to go for that if you're within a 40 mile radius.

So why is it important? Dim Sum for me I've come to realise, is like a glue between my 'White person' life and my Asian roots. It's the happy middle of that Venn diagram of the culture I consider home and the culture my parents consider home.

Maintaining this ritual is precious for our family -and I'm sure a lot of Chinese immigrant families- because 1) it's the same thing in Hong Kong and therefore a piece of home-away-from-home for my folks, 2) it's a good place to catch up with other members of the immigrant community and find out how old their kids are now, who's getting married next, who's kids are doctors now etc. And 3) its one of the few 'bonding' activities we have between me and my siblings and my parents. We don't really 'hang out' so dim sum is always the failsafe of relaxed environments outside the house we can all go enjoy ourselves, together.

God bless it.

Hong Kong Markets

Markets in Hong Kong are a feast for the senses. When people talk about how vibrant the city is, the first thing I think of are the street markets. Here are some recent shots I took :)

Tug of War: Shame and Acceptance

The first time I heard Mehgan Trainor's almost invasively catchy song, 'All About The Bass,' I thought- awesome! Here's someone sticking up for a the 'curvy' girl and sounding fabulous in spreading this statement. The video is amazing to say the least, purely for this guy...



And then I did what I do with every song I really like and tried to memorise the lyrics to sing in the shower or sing on the way to work. I got up to this bit, 'Yeah my momma she told me don't worry about your size [shooowap wap] she said "boys like a little more booty to hold at niiight."' and I remember kind of wincing almost after singing it thinking, 'okay...*nodding* I should appreciate myself because skinny girls have smaller butts and boys will like me for having more junk in the trunk.'

Hm.

So I still love this song. And on any given night, if this came on in a bar or whatever I'd profess my love for it and proceed to sing it badly (and possibly dance like my video-hero up top).

It occurred to me that this song is still kind of shaming skinny girls and was a kind of, 'stooping to their level' form of expression that is as classy in effect as instragram hotties who parade their figures for a living.

Then that got me thinking some more about Shaming. Fat-Shaming, Thin-Shaming, Working Women-Shaming- just Shaming people. The whole shibang.



I recently went out for a nice meal with my boyfriend and a good friend of ours. Over dinner he brought up a photo that he saw online of an obese person on a plane, taking up a lot of space to the extent that the person next to him was in visible discomfort.

Then our friend said, 'see here's the thing, I think fat people should pay more for extra space on a plane because they need it.'

This shocked me at first and my initial reaction was, 'well that's kinda harsh.' And then in reaction to my facial expression, he said 'Let's not beat around the bush, if airlines are conscious of space and weight on a plane and the impact on costs, wouldn't it make sense to charge a larger person for more space?...I'm not having a go at him because he's fat, I'm just saying that as a business, if your ticket price is driven a lot by costs, it probably makes sense.'

Now this is a really delicate line. It made me think that in a way, I agreed with this guy's thinking in that whilst he didn't accept or embrace the dude's size, he wasn't shaming him either. And this is where I feel a lot of folks get it wrong and it leads to a lot of controversy.

This whole Shame- Acceptance or Shame-Embrace tug of war gets quite lost in a lot of stuff I see on telly or on social media. The whole, 'I don't agree with what you're doing, but I'm not going to shame you into changing your behaviour' approach is really overlooked and forgotten.

Granted it doesn't apply to a lot of stuff, horrible illegal stuff or harmful stuff. But lets say weight, religion, lifestyle etc.

Just quit fucking shaming other people to validate the choices you make, if you disagree with it no one is asking you to embrace it, just know what you personally are comfortable with and move on! Let's stop trying to make folks feel bad about themselves!

If I think about the times where I've done something out of shame, like....'I'm not going to eat this because I wanna look like x person,' it's quite sad to think that that decision was because I felt bad about myself.

And yes I know it's not as clear cut as that, there's an argument about celebration and interpretation i.e. it's not my fault if you've taken a perception on that, I'm just happy I lost 3 stone. I guess what I'm getting at is...if you are clearly saying, 'you, I am better than you because of xyz which you are not,' without caveating that by saying, 'but you know on the other hand, this choice I'm making here isn't definitive, it's not the right way necessarily, you are welcome to embrace it or move on etc.' Then that is excluding people, shaming them and isn't very sensitive. Recognise.